The PennySheldon Paradox
by EmelineCarter92
Summary: AU- What if Penny and Leonard went on a first date but it didn't work out? What if she excepted a date with Sheldon? They start to grow in their relationship, it evolves into something that might go beyond just friends. But when they realize their feelings will they run away or accept them?
1. Chapter 1

Leonard and Penny go a second date, two years later. She sleeps with him once. It still ends up not working out. They agree to be friends. One day she ends up sleeping over after her bed breaks.  
Sheldon wakes up to the loud music playing in the kitchen. Penny was making pancakes. On Oatmeal day! of all things. He scolded to himself. But she didn't know that. He would have to inform her of his rituals.

Her outlandish behavior distracted him from doing so at the moment. Not to mention that he had a headache. The pounding music wasn't making it better.  
"Morning Sheldon, come dance with me." She said.  
Dancing, no thanks. That would mean I would have to touch you. Not able to bring himself to say those exact words he simply said, "No."  
"Why not?"  
"Penny, while I subscribe to the many worlds theory which posits the exsistance of infinate number of universes I assure you that in none of them am I dancing."  
"Hmm and in one of them did you happen to wake up early because of my loud music and not because of the bed we broke last night?"  
"The math would suggest yes I did. While you have just woken up from Leonard's bed and not mine after having broken yours."  
"Ew."  
"My thoughts exactly. Still...I don't dance."  
"How do you think the Sheldon in that universe felt?'  
'well...le't see...annoyed for one. Agravated. Yes. Who would want to wake up to a neighbors loud music?"  
"I meant how he feels about the Penny in that universe beign with Leonard?'  
"Oh...well...not much different. From what I would feel in this universe i suppose."  
"And that is...?"  
"I already expressed it, Penny. In your words that would be 'Ew"" There was a pause before he added, "Fine! The Sheldon in that universe would be dusgusted, aggravated, annoyed, frustrated."  
"Frustraed as in jealous?'  
"Jealous, yes. But not for long because based on my calculations, the Leonard and Penny of that iniverse will break up soon enough because they only have coitus to tend to their primal urges in order ot bing them together and nothing really solid to fall back on."  
"Which is?"  
"A complete knowledge and acceptance of each other's likes and dislikes. Strengths and weaknesses and a strong emotional bond despite our faults, yours in particuliar."  
"You're lucky I love you so much in this damn universe."  
"You would in that universe too. It will just take you longer to realize because of your unfortunate intellectual capacity."  
"If you're as insifferable as you are hrere, it'll probably take me forever to realize! Now eat your breakfast. I don't know about you but last night left me starving."  
"Penny, that's French toast."  
"So?"  
"Monday's oatmeal day!"  
"Tell you what? Next French toast day I will make you oatmeal!"  
"Good lord, you're still going to be here on oatmeal day?" He grabs a plate anyways and goes to sit in his spot.  
"I love you too, sweetie!"

Theme song

Later that evening, Penny decided to break it off with Leonard. What Sheldon had said really put things into persepective. Though Leonard was a nice guy, she felt that it was no different than her other meaningless realationships. There was one difference, they would remain friends.  
She liked Leonard's friend Sheldon. But they often clashed sometimes.

They didn't get along at first because she was the type of person that you could instantly get along with. And that meant it was easy to get close to her. And Sheldon avoided all human interactions and contact. It was almost impossible to try and push a person like that away. But soon he realized, what it was about Penny that had made him like her at first sight. Her presance alone lit up the room. A part of him found it annoying because it enabled him to become close to her.  
The moment he was comfortable with being open with her was when he saw her in her tub after she slipt, laying there vaulverable. He also had a soft spot for Damsels in distress. He was willing to do anything to help her. She had sung soft kitty to him when he was sick.

Helping her get dressed, he accidently touched Penny's breast. Enjoying it too much as he held it for a length of a second.  
As she was looking in the other direction, he was fighting the urge to peek.  
He thought it as a scientific experiment as he wasn't familiar with the female anatemy. It suddenly made his feel awkward. He pulled his hand away. Mad at thinking of her in that way and ashamed.  
He drove her to the hospital, finding himself peeved when the patient in front of them appeared to be faking a heart attack. While filling out the imformation sheets, he tried asking/anwsering the questions sarcastically. She failed to get his sarcasm. Sheldon never told anyone that the reason why he didn't understand saracasm because it didn't go with his work. He thought there was no need to understand it. He might not get everyone else's put he got it down good.  
He tried to comfort her but found the moment awkward, unsure how to display his concern. He tried to put his hand around her shoulder but did not want to end up injuring her further. "There, there." He said. "Sheldon's here."  
His own behavior shocked him. The evoloution or humanization of Sheldon Cooper began when she had walking into his life. It hadn't been the hug he had given her on christmas or the adhesive duck incident.  
He had feelings he never had in nearly 20 years since his dad died. She made him happy. She didn't force him to change like Amy did. Though he had started feeling comfortable around her, he still kept some of his feelings to himself.

When Sheldon starts dating Amy, (and after Norwitski points out that Penny is in love with Sheldon) Penny starts to feel regret. She brushes it a side.

* * *

Sheldon is spending a lot of time with Penny. When he was around her and they were sitting on the couch, his heart would excellerate and his palms would get all sweaty. He had stayed up for three days to try to find out what was wrong with him, but with no sucess.

Bernadette had interupted him by forcing him to go to bed. She spoke with him later and she told him that what was going on with, it was something no scientific, mathamatical equations could solve. He was in love with Penny. Of course he denied it. His true and only love was science and Penny was only a girl who is a friend, just like Amy is a girl who is a friend.

When Sheldon asked Penny on a date she thinks he's asking her just to make Amy jealous.  
Sheldon insisted that he wasn't. But if all else failed and there wasn't someone else out there for him, he at least wanted tips from Penny.  
"Let me tell you a story. There was a guy I liked and I never told him how I felt. Eventually he started going out with someone else and I always regretted it. Do you see where I'm going with this?'  
In that moment she had thought she was talking about Leonard.  
He seemed to know it before she did. "I believe I do. I'm the guy."  
"You're not the guy."  
"Are you sure. That would explain so much."  
There was a pause. "Yes."  
"Yes what?' He wasn't sure if she was saying yes that she was or wasn't sure that he was the guy or yes to the date.  
"I mean you're so not the guy." She answered as if reading his mind. "But I will go on a date with you. Why not. What can it hurt?" It's not like it would go anywhere. She mentally added. "If it helps you get Amy back."

* * *

Amy was strangely ok with him and Penny together. This bothered Penny because she knew how much Sheldon liked Amy and she treated seeing Sheldon with another girl as if it were nothing. Sheldon deserved better.

She became concerned when Penny suddenly left the movie theater. "Aren't you going to go after her?" Amy asked Sheldon.

"Why would I go after her?'

"She seemed upset.'

He did go after her but she wouldn't tell him why she had left. They went back to his apartment to watch a movie. Penny had fallen asleep on the couch. Sheldon left her there, going to bed himself, leaving Leonard to walk into an awkward scene. Penny sleeping in Sheldon's spot.  
Waking her up, she explained.

"So, let me get this straight, you and Sheldon went on a fake date and it ended up as a real date?" Leonard asked.  
'Watching 4 hours of Doctor Who and falling asleep doesn't count as a 'real date."  
"Good morning." Sheldon says to both of them, though it was more directed toward Penny. "Did you sleep well?"  
"You know it, sweet stuff." She got up to leave the apartment.  
"Wait a minute.' Leonard crossed his arms.

Penny froze at the door, slowly turning around as if she was being caught by her father after staying out all right.

"What is going on between you two?" Leonard asked.  
"Nothing.' Penny said defensively.  
"What she said, nothing at all." Sheldon said. "I didn't touch her I swear."

"I believe you." said Leonard.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Since this is an AU the episodes/events don't occur in the same order. **

_The Hofstader Insufficiency_

Sheldon and Penny share intimate secrets while Leonard is away at sea, later, Sheldon's feelings are crushed when Leonard returns. Meanwhile, Raj gets consoled about his ex-girlfriend and Wolowitz's relationship with his mother causes an unusual threat to his masculinity.

* * *

_The Scavenger Vortex_

When the entire gang competes in a scavenger hunt designed by Raj, it brings out the best - and worst - in everyone, the best in Sheldon and Penny.

* * *

_The Thanksgiving Decoupling_

Sheldon protests when the gang drags him to Mrs. Wolowitz's house for Thanksgiving. Penny finds out she is married to Zack. Sheldon is more upset by this than Leonard (prompting Sheldon to drink alcohol with Bernadette's father)

* * *

The Discovery Dissipation

Leonard and Amy help Sheldon cope with the shame he's feeling after his accidental contribution to science is disproved. Meanwhile, Raj must stay with Howard and Bernadette for a week.

* * *

_The Cooper Extraction_

The gang imagine what their lives would have been like if they never met Sheldon. Amy thinks that Penny would have went for Sheldon.

* * *

_The Locomotive Manipulation_

The first kiss had been an accident. Penny had wanted a romantic evening, hoping to meet a handsome stranger to rondeve with. But the rest of the passengers were old or had dates.

"Why are you still here?" She asked Sheldon.  
"Excuse me. I think you're being a little rude."  
"I'm being rude. You were the one being rude the entire evening." At least she thought she'd have someone to talk to but he had to ditch her to go talk to the conducter about trains.  
"How is that possible? I hardly spoken to you since we got on the train."  
The fellow train entusiast that Sheldon decided to leave, starting to feel like the third wheel, only after Penny shouted at him to leave. She had felt like the fourth wheel all night.  
"What is your problem?" Sheldon sounded apaulled.  
"It's valentine's day. It's supposed to be a romantic weekend."  
"Oh, really? Because I remember you saying, this trip is going to be something 'we' both enjoy. Did you mean that or did you just say that to trick me so you could get with quote get it on with some handsome undesirable which I ammuse means have coitus. you'd rather end up with a cheap date than spend time with me, assuming that was your intention, you're inclnations have failed."

"Fine, sue me. I only went along because I always felt lonely during this time of year. I didn't want to spend my time moping in an empty apartment. I diserve a little romance that everybody else is getting. I just didn't know where else to make it happen."  
"Well, if you want romance, then let's have romance. Oh look, there's wine." He grabbed the glass off the table. "Grape juice that burns. Now let's gaze into each other's eyes. You blinked. I win."  
"Sheldon..."  
"Let's see what's next? Oh, kissing. That's romantic." He wasn't thinking at first. The kiss had been out of anger, intended to get her to shut up but then he realized that he actually liked it. He straitened up, putting his hands on her waist. He pulled away with a look on his face that read, what have I gotten myself into now?  
"That was um...nice." Penny said. Not fully sure what to think.  
"Good. Um...The conductor said if I come back to the engine room he'd show me how to bring the train to a crossing."  
"Ok, well, have fun."  
"Do you want to come with me?"  
"Really."  
Sheldon nodded.  
"I do."

* * *

_The Table Polarization_

Leonard and Penny buy a dining room table together and it causes Sheldon to reevaluate the changes in

his life. Meanwhile, Wolowitz is offered a chance to go back to space and Bernadette struggles with

whether or not to encourage him.

* * *

_The Mommy Observation_

When Sheldon visits his Mom in Houston, he is forced to confront a new reality. He confesses to her that he and his roommate's ex-girlfriend kissed. Mary convinces him that he must tell Leonard the truth about what happened on valentines day. If Leonard's his true friend he will stay his friend. Meanwhile, Raj's "Murder Mystery" party starts some fights within the gang.

* * *

_The Friendship Turbulence_

Insults are in the air. Things in the group are becoming tense. Sheldon has a theory it has to do with his and Penny's unresolved sexual tension.

When prompted by Leonard, Sheldon finally tells him. Leonard and Sheldon are at each other's throats because Sheldon knows Leonard still has feelings for Penny. But eventually he comes around seeing how much Sheldon and Penny mean to each other, after Sheldon explains why he really went back to Texas. He was in a dilemma of choosing between losing his best friend and losing the girl he is possibly meant to be with. He didn't want to loose either. So he had decided that he had to make a sacrifice. He had planned to move back to Texas permanently.

* * *

_The Indecision Amalgamation_

While Raj is wracked with guilt when he tries to date two women at once, Penny wrestles with whether to take a role in a cheesy movie and helping Sheldon who is torn trying to choose between two gaming systems.

* * *

_The Relationship Disruption_

Sheldon faces a personal crisis after deciding he's wasting his time with string theory. Meanwhile, a double date between Raj, Emily and the Wolowitzes ends in embarrassment for Howard.

* * *

_The Flaming Spittoon Acquisition_

Sheldon considers taking his relationship with Penny to the next level. Will he work up the courage to ask her to be his girlfriend? Everything seems to work out perfectly when everyone can't show up for movie night except for Penny.

* * *

_The Workplace proximity_

Penny starts taking some classes at the university. Sheldon thinks Penny is the 'weird" one in the relationship.

The gang are out eating dinner.

"It's a physical relationship, too. With hand-holding, hugging - even on hot days! ... Oww! Here's a new one, apparently we kick each other on the shins under the table."

What Sheldon says something that prompts this out of Penny.

"How can you not want to tear off his clothes and take him right here on this table?"

Sheldon. "If you do that I'll scream."

"Not before I tare out my retinas first." Howard said.

Leonard puts down his fork, pushing back his chair. "And now I just lost my appetite."

Bernadette looks a little nervous. "I actually kind of threw up in my mouth a little.

" I thought it was rather sweet." Raj's is a little tearful.

Howard bends over a little as he says to Leonard, "Now who's the perverted one?"

Raj nudges him. "I can still hear you dude."

As they leave the restaurant, Howard says to Raj, "I was talking about Sheldon, not you."

**AN: I don't know who has a dirty mind here, Howard or Sheldon? If you caught the innuendo. **

* * *

Sheldon knocks on Penny's door. 'Penny, this isn't easy to say. All relationships are difficult. But even more so when you're with a person who struggles with everyday social interactions. And frankly, who can strike people as being kind of a weirdo."

"Sheldon, you're not a weirdo."

"I wasn't speaking about me. I mean, honestly, there's no telling what will set you off. Introducing myself as your boyfriend. Giving you the opportunity to drive me home. Breaking the ice with your colleagues using ethnic humor - the funniest kind of humor. My point is we're a couple and I like quirks and all."

"I like you too."

"I should hope so. I don't see anybody else banging on this door to put up with your nonsense. *Penny slams the door on Sheldon*

"Not even a goodbye? You see this is the kind of thing that makes people think you're weird. ... Poor kid. She just doesn't see it."

* * *

_The Romance Resonance _

Howard's romantic gesture to Bernadette causes Penny to step up her game with Sheldon. She goes to the most unexpected person for advice, Raj.

Penny and Raj were alone in the guy's apartment.

Penny, if you truly want to be romantic it has to come from you." Raj said.

"I get that, but why is this so hard?"

You've probably never had to do this before because you're young and beautiful, and men have always thrown themselves at you."

Yeah, I'm trying to be sad about that. I can't."

As I'm sure you're aware the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

" I don't wanna cook for him. He's kind of a picky eater. "It's too salty. It's too dry. It's too burnt and frozen at the same time."

* * *

_The Hesitation Ramification'_

When Penny's big acting break on NCIS is a bust, Leonard struggles to help her as a friend, he fails. Sheldon tries to learn how to be funny. Penny encourages him that he doesn't need a book to learn to be funny.

Sheldon dropped his pants.  
Penny "See? Now that's funny."

* * *

_The Occupation Recalibration_

Sheldon tries to relax after he is forced to take a vacation. His relationship with Penny grows stronger when supportive of Penny after she quits her job. Leonard tries to help but it makes thinks stressful for Penny. She starts to question her friendship with Leonard. Sheldon puts her mind at ease when he says that Leonard doesn't understand because he is not like them, they are dreamers. Meanwhile and Bernadette seeks Stuart's help in replacing one of Howard's comic books.

Sheldon is fed up with Leonard and Penny's fighting over her recent choices.

"Where is this going? Are we ever getting married? And if so, where will we all live? What about Leonard? Have you thought about that? "

"No. Sheldon"

"Penny?"

"Okay, wait, what are we doing?

"For some reason you're planning a future together and apparently I live with you two forever." Leonard said.


	3. Chapter 3

_The Anything Can Happen Recurrence_

The couples are split up into different groups after Amy and Bernadette lie about their whereabouts, trying to avoid Penny's 'complaining' about her movie and Sheldon about finding his new line of work. Howard and Raj watch a horror movie that Emily likes. Bernadette gets busted by Howard, leaving Amy and Leonard to bond even though they feel 'awkward' at first about it. Penny takes Sheldon to a psychic.

* * *

"Your spirits guides tell me that there's a woman in your life that you're having problems with."  
"That's an easy guess." Sheldon said. "I'm clearly an annoying person and I have problems with both genders."  
"Yes, you clearly are. But I'm seeing that this pacific woman that you want to be in a romantic relationship with. They're telling me you're having difficulty being close with her."  
"Oh he does. He so does. What should he do?" Penny asked.  
"He should give himself to this relationship, putting personal issues and differences aside. Once he does all his other pursues will come into focus. Personally and professionally things will fall into place once you comit to her."  
"Sheldon, do you hear that?" Penny asks.

Sheldon is speechless. He snaps at the Psychic instead of at Penny. "You know what this is? And I reserve this word for rare instances when it's truley deserved. This is malarcy!" Sheldon gets up and leaves.  
"Wow, you really struck a nerve." Penny said to the Psychic."I never heard him say the M word before."

* * *

**AN: Did anyone else think that the reason why Sheldon can't get close to Amy is that she forces him to change? Marry Cooper said in an episode that he was like a deer you had to let him come to you in order for him to earn your trust? That's what Penny does. **

**Anyway I know Shenny will ever happen. But I couldn't help but feel that Shenny and Lamy were deliberately implied. This entire episode was the writers way of playing with us. Despite that I still enjoyed this episode. One of my favorites this season.**


	4. Chapter 4

**These are the events of the Alternate Universe**

-When Sheldon met Penny he but dismissed it as he didn't belive in love at first sight. He was a little nervous around her at first especially after he had cleaned her apartment in the middle of the night.

After she gave him the napkin signed by Leonard Nemoy, he wondered where their relationship stood. Were they more than friends, lovers?

_The Adhessive Duck Deficiency_.  
Sheldon helps Penny after she dislocates her shoulder. He tests out his new found ability of sarcasm, (but still can't detect other's sarcasm) and ironically Penny can't detect his sarcasm, when he's filling out the information sheet.

After Penny breaks up with Leonard, she sleeps with Leonard. This was Sheldon's worst day of his life.

The Spaghetti Catalyst- Penny has dinner with Sheldon at her appartment. She starts to feel guilty about it. Sheldon tells Leonard he has been seeing Penny behind his back. Leonard doesn't mind Sheldon being friends with Penny.

Sheldon reflects on what he and Penny went through together, he trusts her to cut his hair.

The Infestation Hypothesis- Penny and Sheldon 'act' like an old married couple. She was even upset when he started stripping in her living room, (only to be wearing a layer of clothing underneath.) he was about to take off his pants but stopped.  
"I went into this marrage with so much hope."

"There's a wet bandaid on the shower floor." He ran from her bathroom out the front door.  
**_Wackadoodle._** She thought. **_But he's my wackadoodle. Where the hell did that come from?_**

-Sheldon asks Penny out on a date in order to make Amy jealous. (he even buys her jewelry, a ring but doesn't give it to Amy) Penny agrees to go on the date with Sheldon. This back fires. Penny is upset when Amy isn't bothered seeing them together. She reveals that she had been jealous of threatened of Penny and Sheldon's friendship from the very beginning. She saw their 'clear psysical attraction' to each other. Of course Sheldon and Penny both deny this.

Sheldon and Penny decide (Penny's idea) to go on a real date out of curiousity. It goes so well (Penny and Sheldon share what Leonard and Amy would be doing wrong) that it scares them. They both decide to remain friends.

The Thanksgiving Decoupling- Sheldon finds out that Penny is married to Zack and seems the most upset with it (he drinks with Bernadett's father)

The Locomotive Manipulation

Penny comes along, hoping for a romantic weekend by hooking up with a handsome stranger.

Out of anger Sheldon kisses Penny but he eases into it, obviously enjoying it. Penny as well but they are both speachless.

Sheldon goes home to Texas after feeling guilty about kissing Penny. His mother tells him to go back to Pasadena and tell Leonard. When he goes back he does tell Leonard. Leonard is furious and feeling betrayed (again) because Sheldon knew he still has feelings for Penny. But when

Sheldon tells him the real truth why he really went back to Texas, Leonard forgives Sheldon and gives him his blessing, (if he wants to go forward with a relationship with Penny or whatever he wants to do) Penny invites Sheldon over for Spaghetti and hot dogs. Sheldon says 'we should do this more often"

- Sheldon invites Penny to go see a movie with the guys, but when the rest of the group can't show up, things seem to go well in Sheldon's favor. He asks Penny to be his girlfriend.

-Penny and Sheldon try to figure out what to do with their lives, Sheldon on what to do next in his line of study, and Penny, her movie. Leonard tries to support her but fails Sheldon is honest and supportive of her choices it makes her see Sheldon in a whole new light.

_The Anything Can Happen Thursday Recurrence _

* * *

Penny takes Sheldon to a Psychic. In order for Sheldon to move on in his career he has to work out his problems with Penny and commit to her. Sheldon tells Leonard he might not be boyfriend material and that Penny's efforts to make him happy, (not trying to change him) are making him have affectionate feelings for her.

_The Math Equation Proximity_

"Penny, after meticulously examing your online dating profile, I have fallen under the impression that we could make wonderful offspring together."

She spits out her water.

Sheldon continues, " I would very much enjoy engaging in the normal boring courtship ritual in which I pay for dinner and a movie with you while awkwardly building rapport with you in hopes of getting a kiss on the check at the end of the night. In the even that you have constructed enough trust, comforts and connection with me, perhaps we can get married, buy a two story house with a white picket fence, have 2.5 children and a pet hamster...Now would you look at that. I'll have to disenfect the whole table?"  
She watched in silence as he took the wipes down from the cupboard and started whipping down the island.

"A hamster?" She asked him.

"Of course. We wouldn't have a dog. Dogs are filthy creatures."

Theme Song

Sheldon tells Leonard "Our babies will be beautiful geniuses and unlike yours, real."

* * *

A student explains to Sheldon during one of his classes why there isn't enough time to study.  
"During the year we have 365 days to study. Out of them 52 are Sundays so that leaves us wit h 313 days. During spring due to the good weather it's hard to concentrate on homework. Minus 50 days. Now 263 days left. Usually a person sleeps 8 hours which is 122 days in total. Now only 141 days left to study. All of us spend at least 1 hour doing something we like, that minus another 15 days. 126 days left. Every day we spend at least 2 hours eating minus 30 days, 96 days left to study. During the year 96 days out of it we spend outside. That leaves us us with 6 days. Every person is sick at least 3 times a year, minus annother 3 days. Everyone who has a pet at home spends 20 minutes feeding or walking the animal. Which is 2 days. That leaves us 1 day and that's our birthday!"

"Math." Penny groaned. "that's like mental abuse to humans."

* * *

_The Proton Transmogrification_

* * *

Sheldon tells Penny he loves her after Professor Proton tells him to aprreciate those who are still with him.

It is Penny Who goes into his room instead of Leonard.  
"How was the funeral?" Sheldon asks her as she comes to sit on his bed like she'd done several times before when ever he was sick or upset.  
"It was great. They said a lot of nice things. I bet you didn't know his son was president of the high school..."  
Sheldon hugged her. "I love you, Penny."  
"oh, thank you, honey. I love you too."

* * *

_The Gorilla Dissolution_

* * *

Sheldon goes along to support Penny with her new movie.

Sheldon lets Penny sit in his spot and proposes to her.

"You know what, forget it. I should never had brought it up."  
"You know I want to marry you but you're only doing this because you got fired from your job and don't see your life going anywhere."  
"Ok, it might look that way but getting fired was the second best thing to ever happen to me ok? I finally realize that I don't need to be famous or have some big carreer to be happy."  
"What was the first thing."  
"What?"  
"You said getting fired was the second best thing, What's the first best thing?"  
"You. You make me happy. I finally figured out what I need."  
"And that's..."  
"You, I need you, you stupid giant pray mantic."  
"Oh. Then I guess I'm in.'  
"Really, you guess you're in?"  
"Not as in I'm guess I'm in, implying sarcasm."  
"ok then, cool"  
"So is that it? Did we just get engaged?"  
"Yeah. I think so."  
"Alrighty. You sit there."  
"You want me to sit in your spot?"  
"I'll be right back." He goes to his room and then comes back. "I think this will make it more  
"Where did you get a ring?"  
"I had it for awhile. Anyway, that's not important. Penny, will you marry me?"  
"oh my god, yes!"  
"I'm not an expert but I think this would've been more romantic if you didn't have monkey hair on your fingers."


End file.
